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Suzball08
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Name: Suzan or Suz
Country: United States
State: California
Gender: Female
Interests: SCHOOL...gotta concentrate nowadays...sidelines...sports, friends, sketching, playing games, and clubbing
Expertise: Going to the extreme and beyond just to make someone I care about smile.
Occupation: Student
Industry: Medical
Member Since:
1/30/2003
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| Warning: Long entry ahead, BUT there are pictures!
This is how bored I am...I'm writing another entry in the same month. I
love the bay area, I just hate being on lock down with my mom and
immobilized without a car.
OH by the way, I cut my hair and donated twelve inches. I was
originally going to do only ten, but when I found out these donations
specifically go to only children with cancer, two more wouldn't hurt.
The stylist trimmed another three inches to straighten out my hair
though.
I was driving on the freeway one night and random songs popped up. I
then started thinking about reasons why I love the bay area and good
ole times that occurred while these songs were playing.
1) "Don't Stop Believing"- Journey...haha this one is for Amy.
2) Wild 9.49 House Nation Underground mixing on Friday nights....the best trance/hard house mixing on air around!
3) Throwing in classic house, freestyle, bay area jams in their endless
mixing on air...PLUS actually knowing how to combine the beats together
unlike socal
4) The slow lanes are actually 65 and not 75
5) The feeling of a real surrounding and not a plastic, materialistic bubble
6) Variety in people, style, cars, food, music, etc all around
7) Crisp, clean, cold air running through your lungs
8) A non-existent layer of smog over the valley hills
9) Sister, some of the greatest friends ever to exist, a cat that has grown on me, and monkey living in proximity
10) Seeing the leaves change color and actually fall to the ground
11) Being minutes away from hole in the wall, great tasting restaurants/fast food family owned joints
Some of my favorite things about life: (Thinking about this while I was in the shower)
1) Having the scent of that someone special in the pillow next to your head when you wake up in the morning
2) Out of the dryer towels, sheets, and blankets
3) Having little infants wrap their whole bodies around your single leg.
4) Children's laughter
5) A puppy or kitten sleeping on your tummy while you knock the hell out.
6) Really knowing who your real friends are.
7) A real, genuine hug
8) A hot shower on a cold winter day
9) The soft fuzz inside brand new sweat shirts and pants
10) Old school classics randomly popping up on the radio or in a club
2005 was awesome and I hope that this carries onto 2006. I know if I
make the most of each day, accept what I cannot change, do something
about things that I can change, and continue to strive for success,
however way I measure or see it, then 2006 will be a good if not great
year as well.
Reasons why 2005 kicked ass:
1) In concert: Vienna Teng, Rufio, Jack Johnson, Garbage, Hot Hot Heat, Jet, Oasis, and Mae
2) Letting go a lot of heavily weighted drama, which also included some of the worst "friends" one can have.
3) Befriending some really great people as well as making ties between existing friendships even stronger
4) Multiple life lessons and reaching a lot of self actualization (i.e
having the courage to admit a lot of things to myself and others)
5) Further realizing how damn lucky I am to have such awesome friends (i.e THE GIRLS)
6) LAS VEGAS
7) Feeling "homey" and not being scared about it
8) Monkey
9) Getting closer with the sis
10) Impressing the Dean of Mathematics
11) At this point, going on four years in college, feeling more alive and stronger that ever before
My walls are still up, but slowly I'm not running away like I usually
would. Things will be different this time around. I feel it. A future
will not scare me.
Okay enough with the lists.
VEGAS was great. A lot of fun, laughs, interesting moments, definately
some interesting people, and just a good way to enjoy a break and end
the year.
A little fuzzy, but these girls are so hot that it doesn't matter.
About ready to hit up PURE
Still getting ready for the club
Of course there needs to be a shot of all us in the jacuzzi. THANK GOD the asian glow didn't kick in yet.
By Annie's opinion, Wife #1 and I
Wife #2 and I...I'm a little pink. Not blushing, just Corona is my friend.
Wife#3 and I
They we're just tearing it up at the club that night!
Aftermath of the club..bringing the party back to the suite and just stretching yourself out...or so they say
Can you see all of us? Mirror image
off the ceiling of the elevator (we're smiling now because we're not
stuffed beyond recognition yet...)
Joys of Vegas, drinking alcohol
ANYWHERE you want...even standing in line for a buffet. Hey we needed
to get some major munchies ready. REPRESENTING the viets! ( i know, i
know the beer is suppose to be heineken)
We really can't breathe at this point. Seafood buffet can do just wonders to you. I'm barely holding my head up.
Course we need a pimp picture. Tuyen being the stud in the backseat with three lovely girls.
Going up the escalator as we're leaving Circus Circus, Ann pointed out something.
Ann (standing right behind Michelle and I): "Man, Suz is the luckiest lesbian. She gets to hold any girl's hand"
Haha thanks homie, but as you said you get the whole package.
Much love to Kristel, Ann, Michelle, Amy, and Tuyen for making the trip
wonderful. Missed Janice and Annie up in the mix. Where's my homie
Annie to go gamble and eat like mad with me?
I heart them girls.
HAVE A SAFE AND GREAT HOLIDAY EVERYONE.
"Ditty," Paperboy (they threw that up in the club)
"This Is How We Do It" Montell Jordan
"Club is Jumpin, Jumpin" Destiny Childs
"Got Five On It" E-40, Spice-1 and other various artists
"Momentum" Vienna Teng
"Gotta Get You Home With Me," Foxy Brown feat. Blackstreet
"Be Without You" Mary J. Blige
"Let That Be Enough" Switchfoot
"If I Ever Fall In Love," Shai
...........tell me this is it....amazing
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| It has been a while since I last updated this thing.
Finals are over..well for now at least until the new quarter starts. I
killed my first final which I hoped to start the week off right, but of
course it did the complete opposite. Whatever, it is over for now and
there is nothing I can do about it except relax for the little time I
have left to do so.
Every year we all say the same thing, "This year has flown by so
quickly!" (with the exception of junior year in high school of course).
Here I am again saying the same thing, this year has flown by. When I
celebrated my twenty-first with all my friends, it wasn't the fact of
being the legal drinking age, it was the fact that almost four years
had past in an instant. I remembered being a little seventeen year old
entering college, not legal to do jack shit. I was still seen as a
minor, so I endulged myself into ridiculous work out schedules at the
gym and late night brain cell apoptosis with television and crazy
roommates. Now, I sit at home on Friday and Saturday nights, watching
television or studying. My sister and soon to be brother in law have
been warning me of how I am going to turn into them, old farts who get
tired at the club by one and who would rather sit at home with their
cat and watch a movie. Sadly though, I already feel that way. My
constant refusal to go to clubs and parties has landed me outside of
the whole social network and all I am missing is a cat to sleep on my
chest as I watch my Law and Order: SVU. Once in a blue moon I crave a
crazy night of partying, but that does happen rarely now. Don't get me
wrong, around the right company and all that goes out the window once
the alcohol is brought in and stupid stunts start to occur. I think
this whole feeling of myself only pertains to the whole gay scene.
Living down here has made me feel happy that I am not apart of the
entire scene. I think I just labeled myself as a traitor or someone who
is ashamed of themselves by saying that, but I'm not. Whatever,
requires too much analysis to get into at the moment.
Holiday season, isn't it wonderful? Weather drops ten-fifteen degrees
and everyone is in a cash bind. It is funny down in Irvine. People see
one rain drop and run for their lives. Rain, what is rain again?
Despite the weather shock, which isn't a shock to anyone who is from
northern California, it has surely been one interesting ending month.
Something tells me this is going to be a great end of the year. I feel
alive, happy and anxious to take on the next year for whatever it has
in store for me. I feel stronger and more certain of what I want to do.
I am so grateful for the great group of friends I have. Even my
friends were saying that about each other even though they didn't
really know each other during my bday dinner. I am honestly lucky to be
surrounded by such wonderful and amazing people.
A late thank you, but well deserved to everyone who wished me well and
came out to celebrate with me. Thank you so much. I ended up being a
spolied little kid this year.
Sometimes reading what you have to say or feel gives me a tremedous
headache. I think I have a lower tolerance for lack of common sense and
simple grammatical errors. I wonder if anyone else out there sees what
I see. I think I am just being a bitch, but really it doesn't make any
sense to me. I just laugh because that is all I have to respond to it.
I think we have all moved past middle school writing, at least I like
to think so.
Goodluck to everyone else in finals. Hope to see you guys during break.
"Landing In London," 3 Doors Down
"Goodnight and Go," Imogen Heap
"So Lonely" Mariah Carey feat. Twista
"Ever Since We Met," Chris Botti
All three Jack Johnson Albums
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| All I have to do is one homework assignment and of course I'm sitting
here, writing on this thing. It just hit me that my birthday is
literally around the corner. Of course though, I have two homework
assignments due, a quiz, my two hardest midterms, plus work four out of
the five days that week. Oh yeah, Suz is going to be GONE Friday night  . Whose down with me? Haha.
I thought I was ready to put myself out there again, but I guess I
wasn't. Looks like I won't be ready for an extremely long time and even
if I was, where's the time? I can't commit to someone again and barely
give them any of my time since I'm swamped with school, work, and
family. Been down that road, heard the arguments, gone through all the
headaches, not putting the other person and myself through it again. I
feel like I'm more pickier than before of who I let myself have a crush
on...A CRUSH. Not even seriously like someone, just a freaking crush
I'm already picky about. My friend was telling me of a radio talk show
talking about the eligibility in Orange County and how it's so high.
Someone called in to say "Yeah, we have quantity, but there's no
quality." True.
I'm only committed to my white board, math books, bio notes, high school curriculum, and my bed.
I want my sleeping and eating habits back! Damn you for switching them with me! Haha. Miss you dork.
"Mathematicians believe everything is false until proven true."
I rather be hated than pitied.
I rather be called a bitch than immature.
Using convenience as a comfort filler can only go so far until you
realize you feel even more emptier because you spend more time trying
to convince yourself you're satisified.
"24," Jem
"Wish I," Jem
"Falling In Love," Eagle Eye Cherry
"When Will it Be Me," Yasmeen
"Unwritten Letter #1," Vienna Teng
Entire Rob Thomas Album
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| Since the ever so over active, hyper Don asked me to update
because my last entry was almost two months ago and not so pleasant,
here I am again. It's late in the night (of course) and I just got back
from a good work out. A lot is on my mind, but then again when is it
not?
I feel like something has been lifted off my shoulders, but at the same
time, I can't but help feel sad. I never meant to hurt you and I never
meant for things to be the way they are now. I deeply apologize for
what has happened today, but know no matter what, I'll carry you in my
heart wherever I go.
Upper division bio and math classes are seriously kicking my ass. Up
late night doing work and not sleeping at all. It's getting to me that
I missed work on accident because I was so fatigue from not sleeping
and the parents seemed pissed. Oh well. I apologized and if they want
another tutor they are more than welcome to get one. I can't help that
I can only take so much before my health craps out on me.
Ann's birthday was fun. I haven't laughed so hard for so long with
great people in such a long time. It was the break I definitely needed.
GREAT. Kristel's is next week and I can't wait. BAY AREA LOVE.
Looking at the stack of books on my desk, I realized that I am such a
damn nerd. Some people would want to vommit off the collection I have
there. Sad thing is that there are so much more under my bed. Yeah you
accumulate so much after all these years, but the titles are just
disturbing..."Nonlinear Dynamics and Chaos with Applications to
Biology, Engineering and Physics" Gag.
Another year is almost ending and looking back at the person I use to
be exactly a year ago...I can gladly say I've grown. A little bit wiser
and a little bit more mature. This year, so far, hasn't been to shabby.
I tried to make this year a lot better for me than last year and it
actually worked out well. So well, that last year is just another year
that I survived instead of once looking at it as one of the worse years
in my life. It's that or I'm just getting a lot stronger with handling
things. Maybe its the latter.
I have been getting a lot of lectures from my sister and my best friend
the past several weeks. What is going on with me? What am I doing with
my life? How do I define the people in my life? Etc. Really made me
reanalyze my life and set things in a different persepctive. I think
that is what I needed. Thanks you guys.
Don't think I don't care about you there. You know who you are. I don't
ever want to imagine my life with out you so don't joke okay? You know
no one comes close to the person you are in my life. You are in your
own category high above almost everyone else and tied with other really
really important people in my life. SO HA! Love ya!
I realized, I can do better in my life. Finally, I can say that I deserve more.
The rush. Grade school kid is my best definition of it all.
"Momentum," Vienna Teng
"Wish I," Jem
"Save Tonight," Eagle Eyed Cherry
"Think Of You," Crystal Kay
"Embers and Envelopes," Mae
Jack Johnson's Brushfire Fairytales Album
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| It is almost six in the morning on a Saturday, and I can't sleep for shit. What's new? I might as well go work out right now.
All right, it's time for me to be a girl and get emotional.
I can't seem to shake off what someone said to me earlier. I honestly
feel like all my insecurities and fears about being a failure has been
reaffirmed, which in most cases wouldn't really phase me, but I never
thought this person would be the one to do so. All these years trying
to be someone I thought I could be proud of and in turn make others
proud too feels like a complete waste. Why? Cause the end result
apparently doesn't mean jack shit. Maybe I am just blowing things
completely out of porportions or thinking about it too much, but I
can't help it. It's easy to brush things aside when it is said by
someone you don't really care about, but when it comes from someone you
would take a bullet for...it just plain hurts.
I wish I could look back at this night and wonder why I was being such
a baby about this, but I know I won't. I know that some part of me was
beaten to a pulp and I know that someday I'll put it back
together on my own. I know I'll look back at this and thank this person
for making me even stronger and independent, but I also know that
my wall is now ten feet taller and three times thicker.
I needed that vent session.
Life goes on, it is your choice whether or not you accept that. Just another challenge to overcome.
Life is NOT simple. Try telling that to a soldier caught up in land
mines and gun fire. Try telling that to someone who might not ever see
their loved ones again. Try telling that to someone shunned from their
family and community for being themselves. Try telling that to someone
who lives in complete proverty. Generalization can only go so far in
your own personal world before you just cross lines you have no place
to be at.
I am thankful to be able to walk, breathe, talk, see, listen, think, touch, feel...you get the point.
I just love this song. Nothing personal I guess, just needed to hear it.
"I'm holding on your rope, got me ten feet off the gound.
I'm hearing what you say, but I just can't make a sound.
You tell me that you need me, then you go and cut me down, but wait
You tell me that you're sorry, didn't think I'd turn around, and say...
It's too late to apologize, it's too late.
I'd take another chance, take a fall, take a shot for you.
I need you like a heart needs a beat, but it's nothing new.
I loved you like a fire red now its turning blue, and you say
"Sorry" like the angel heaven let me think was you, but I'm afraid..."
"Apologize," Republic
Time to go work out with the morning rush of elderly people from the retirement homes across the way.
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